Passover Is Almost Here: A time when, as in recent years, we still gather somewhat cautiously with a few select friends and family, to celebrate our Holiday of Freedom.
↑Not quite like this.↑
↑But not quite like this, either.↑
Steve Sheffey, a renowned pro-Israel activist and progressive Democrat who publishes a weekly newsletter, the Chicagoland Pro-Israel Political Update - and who also happens to be Abq Jew's father's uncle's sister-in-law's father's cousin's brother-in-law's great-grandson - advises us, lest we find ourselves at a Seder with ... Republicans.
Top Ten Signs That You
Might Be at a Republican Seder
They refuse to answer the four questions
without a subpoena.
They demand a recount of the ten plagues.
They defend not increasing the minimum wage
on the grounds that according to Chad Gadya
it still costs only two zuzzim to buy a goat.
The afikomen is hidden in the Cayman Islands.
They refuse to open the door for Elijah
until they see his immigration papers.
They attack Moses for negotiating a deal
with Pharaoh because - why would we
negotiate with our enemies?
They don't understand why the Egyptians didn’t
cure the plagues with hydroxychloroquine.
They omit the parts about slavery from the Haggadah
because it reminds them of Critical Race Theory.
They keep saying “when do we get to
the miracle of the Jewish space lasers?”
They end the seder by singing
"Next year in Mar-a-Lago."
And what would Passover be without videos? Abq Jew here thoughtfully provides three (3) of the classics. You're welcome!
1. Google Exodus: Best. Passover. Video. Ever.
2. Passover Rhapsody: Second. Best. Passover. Video. Ever.
3. The Passover Prank. Best. Passover. Prank. Video. Ever.
And as the Seders approach, Abq Jew must (he must! he must!) take this opportunity to remind us all that Good News, Salvation and Comfort are just one (1) Pesach visitor away.