Wednesday, March 28, 2018

It's Pesach 5778!

Passover Is Almost Here: A time to gather with friends and family, to celebrate our Holiday of Freedom.

A time to do away with the inner demons - the doubts, the fears, the overwhelming anxiety and despair - that, says The Onion, have plagued (you should not forgive the expression) men and women since the earliest times.

The paintings indicate that early humans had “some pretty heavy stuff”
weighing on their minds, archaeologists said.
CANTABRIA, SPAIN — An archaeological team from the University of Cambridge announced Wednesday the discovery of cave paintings in northern Spain that suggest prehistoric humans battled a variety of inner demons, nagging fears, and insecurities that plagued them as they struggled with life’s demands in the Paleolithic era.
Stormy in Albuquerque

But oh, how mightily the world has changed since last Passover. As Gail Collins and Bret Stephens point out in this week's New York Times Conversation, ‘Hush Money,’ Now Playing Everywhere.
Bret: One of the paradoxes of the Trump presidency is that it has galvanized the country in all sorts of positive ways. From Charlottesville to l’Affaire Stormy, he has brought to the surface all sorts of ugliness that is simply unignorable. 
For instance, do you think the #MeToo movement would have taken hold the way it did if he weren’t in the White House? 
Gail: It’s a necessary stage in women’s progress — socially and economically — so we’d have gotten there anyway. But having the worst-possible male image in the White House probably propelled things forward faster. 
I guess you could say he’s so bad he’s making us better.

After last week's unforgettably funny-but-irate On Selecting Haberdashery, Abq Jew must (he must! he must!) iterate and reiterate that the welcome and welcoming holiday of Pesach is just around the corner. Here are a few ways we NewMexiJews can tell it's time to open our doors:

1. We have set the clocks forward one hour, so we can start the Seder even later than ... we used to in the good ol' days, when there was at least a chance that Daylight Saving Time wouldn't begin until after Pesach.

2. Random 5-packs of this year's Pesachdik matzah have started to show up in random stores.

3. A prodigious shipment of Passover food has arrived at Eurozone.

4. The Mother Lode of Passover Food has (finally!) begun to congregate at the Smith's at Constituion and Carlisle, thanks to the efforts of Rabbi Emeritus Arthur Flicker of Congregation B'nai Israel.

5. Mesifta Beth Shraga's Bedikas Chometz Kit has arrived in the mail!

What, you may ask, is a Bedikas Chometz (Search for Chometz) Kit?

Well.  First - you do know that all chometz (food products that just might contain even a smidgen of leaven or leavened bread) must be removed from your house and / or no longer owned by you, right?

So, after all the cleaning with blunt instruments has been completed, the night before the first Seder we get down to tachlis.  What do we need?
  1. A candle - so we can see into every nook and cranny to make sure there's no chometz there.
  2. A feather - so we can reach into every nook and cranny and eradicate any chometz.
  3. A wooden spoon - so we've got something with which we can transfer the chometz we find.
  4. A burnable bag -  so we've got something into which we can place the chometz we find before burning said chometz and bag the next morning.
  5. A petek - with the right legal formulae (let's not call them prayers) to absolve us of all guilty ownership of any chometz we didn't see.

Viola!  Or another stringed instrument!  Here's your Bedikas Chometz Kit!

The petek traditionally has a couple slightly different versions of the statement
All chametz, leaven and leavened bread, that is in my possession which I have not seen, removed, or is unknown to me, should be annulled and considered ownerless like the dust of the earth.

Homemaker's Hint:  If you believe what you're saying - and you should - your efforts to clean the house before Pesach need not go beyond the reasonable and customary!

Which is to say, you don't have to drive yourself crazy. Abq Jew knows - for some of us, we don't have to drive. We can walk!  It's not that far ....

6. The Albuquerque Isotopes have announced their return to The Lab! New This Year: The Mariachis de Nuevo México will soon play in The Plaza! Opening Day is Tuesday April 10, vs the Las Vegas 51s.

And what would Passover be without videos? Abq Jew here thoughtfully provides three (3) of the classics. You're welcome!

1. Google Exodus: Best. Passover. Video. Ever.

2. Passover Rhapsody: Second. Best. Passover. Video. Ever.

3. The Passover Prank. Best. Passover. Prank. Video. Ever. For parents who (especially) miss their kids on Pesach. Who know that Skype is never enough.

And as the Seders approach, Abq Jew must remind us all (he must! he must!) that Good News, Salvation and Comfort are just one (1) Pesach visitor away.

?אחד מי יודע
Tonight Could Be The Night!

At our Pesach seders
we Jews have been opening our doors to Elijah for thousands of years.

We still believe that Elijah the Prophet will return tonight
and announce the Coming of the Messiah.

When that happens, our first question will be:

Did Elijah remember to send out a press release?

If he did — you may learn the Good News in a few days or weeks.
But you can always hear about Salvation and Comfort at &
Your guide to Jewish life in Albuquerque and beyond

A Zissen Pesach, Albuquerque!
Chag Kasher veSameach, New Mexico!

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

On Selecting Haberdashery

Fish, Spiders, and the United States Air Force: Here is what Abq Jew has learned, over the years, about haberdashery:

Don't laugh at it.

Haberdashery, after all, helped bring about US support for the new State of Israel.
Enter one of the strange stories of history. President Truman had served as an artillery captain in World War I, and one of the members of his battalion was a Jewish man named of Eddie Jacobson. After the war, the two of them went into an unlikely partnership and opened a haberdashery store in Kansas City. 
The store went bankrupt after three years, but Truman and Jacobson remained loyal friends, which is unusual in itself. Partners who undergo bankruptcy don’t usually enjoy each other’s company afterward. 
The Zionist leader Chaim Weizmann, who was by then old and half-blind, traveled to the U.S. to try and see Truman to get him to reinforce American support of the partition plan. Truman refused. The Jewish leadership put on whatever pressure it could, but to no avail. Truman would not see Weizmann. 
Then the Jews sent in Eddie Jacobson. It’s been written in Truman’s memoirs and many, many other places. Jacobson said, “Mr. President, Harry, you’ve got to do me this one favor. See this tired, old man. He’s come halfway across the world to see you. Just give him a few minutes of your time.” And Truman reluctantly agreed. 
Weizmann was a great diplomat. He told Truman, and “You have the opportunity of the ages. If you’ll stay strong now, you’ll go down in history for all eternity.” 
And Truman was impressed by it, and he called Warren Austin at the UN to inform him of American policy. For added drama, when the call came, Austin was in the middle of a speech about how America was backing out of the partition plan. 
But when he returned from the phone call, he said, “President Truman has instructed me that the United States supports in full the partition plan as adopted by the United Nations and will work to see it implemented.”

Which brings us, of course, to the United States Air Force, the United States Air Force Academy, and the United States Air Force Academy Endowment. It turns out there's a wide variety of USAF swag out there. T-shirts, hoodies, tumblers, koozies.

And ties. USAF bowties, like the two pictured here (really snazzy, aren't they?) - which Abq Jew cannot tie - and regular USAF neckties, which he can. What's that Abq Jew just said about swag (including, more specifically, haberdashery)?

Don't laugh at it.

A necktie, as it turns out, is often used and seen as a sign of membership. Diagonally striped ties are most common. But ...
[a]n alternative membership tie pattern to diagonal stripes is either a single emblem or a crest centered and placed where a tie pin normally would be, or a repeated pattern of such motifs.   
Sometimes, both types are used by an organization, either simply to offer a choice or to indicate a distinction among levels of membership. Occasionally, a hybrid design is used, in which alternating stripes of color are overlaid with repeated motif pattern.
As one example, Abq Jew proudly introduces you, his loyal readers, to but one example of a United States Air Force logo tie.

So. Abq Jew is sure you are wondering -
What's the big deal with the USAF and haberdashery?
Get ready! Here we go!

The big deal about the USAF and haberdashery is this:

The fish tie that the former US Air Force Academy
Superintendent, Lt Gen Mike Gould,
chose to wear for a photo op.

But not for just any photo op.

For a photo used in the Association of Graduates' Checkpoints publication in December, in an article in which he was introduced as the new CEO of the AOG's sister organization, Air Force Academy Endowment. (He was hired in August.)

And not just any fish.

It wasn't this kind of fish.
As you can see from the photo.

It was more like this kind of fish.
But not smiling.

We Jews know herring and carp, whitefish and pike. And (of course) Gefilte the Fish. But just in case we don't recognize this symbolic fish, Christianity Today tells us
The Greek word for fish is "ichthys." As early as the first century, Christians made an acrostic from this word: Iesous Christos Theou Yios Soter, i.e. Jesus Christ, Son of God, Savior. The fish has plenty of other theological overtones as well, for Christ fed the 5,000 with 2 fishes and 5 loaves (a meal recapitulated in Christian love-feasts) and called his disciples "fishers of men." 
Water baptism, practiced by immersion in the early church, created a parallel between fish and converts. Second-century theologian Tertullian put it this way: "we, little fishes, after the image of our Ichthys, Jesus Christ, are born in the water." 
Greeks, Romans, and many other pagans used the fish symbol before Christians. Hence the fish, unlike, say, the cross, attracted little suspicion, making it a perfect secret symbol for persecuted believers. When threatened by Romans in the first centuries after Christ, Christians used the fish mark meeting places and tombs, or to distinguish friends from foes. 
According to one ancient story, when a Christian met a stranger in the road, the Christian sometimes drew one arc of the simple fish outline in the dirt. If the stranger drew the other arc, both believers knew they were in good company. Current bumper-sticker and business-card uses of the fish hearken back to this practice.

Now, Abq Jew loves fish as much as the next guy. Probably more. And when it comes to fish, Mikey Weinstein (see Onward, Christian Soldiers), of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, probably hasn't got a bone to pick either.

But Mikey represents folks - including Christians - who look with disfavor at the distinctly Christian symbol of the fish being used in an official photo by the USAF.

Especially when plenty of United States Air Force
logo ties were readily available.

In fact, Mikey's response to Lt Gen Gould's photo - and where it appeared - was

"This is one of the most blatant things we've seen.
That tie stood out like a tarantula on a wedding cake."

Let Abq Jew be clear: Wearing that fish tie was not simply a proclamation of religious faith. It was a statement about membership in the Christian club. It was markedly exclusive, distinguishing friends from foes, when the photo op and the United States Air Force should demand inclusivity.

Now, you should be aware that there's plenty of history here between the MRFF and Lt Gen Gould; this was, by far, not an isolated incident.

And Mikey, as we might expect, raised a ruckus, which you can read more about on the MRFF website, and - especially - in Pam Zubeck's March 7, 2018 article in the Coloroado Springs Independent.

A horde of Jews, plotting about the weather.

But here is what everbody's talking about: Did you know that The Jews - especially those pesky Rothschilds - control the weather? As Abq Jew says of haberdashery -

Don't laugh at it.

Even though The Forward's Jenny Singer has gone to great lengths to prove the ridiculousness of the theory propounded over the weekend by Trayon White, a Washington, DC council member.

But Abq Jew digresses.

Has Abq Jew mentioned that Mikey Weinstein and the MRFF often receive hate mail? Of course he has! See Onward, Christian Soldiers and You've Got Hate Mail!, et al.

Here is part of one email that Mikey received in response to his calling out the United States Air Force Academy about Lt Gen Gould's fish tie.
Mikey Weinstein Is Evil 
We can’t help but notice how you attacked General Michael Gould the new CEO of the AF Academy Endowment. You did this only because he is principled disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ and proudly wore a symbol of His servant leadership on his necktie. Only an evil hellbound soul could do what you did. 
Got Satan Mikey? Because he surely has you. 
Your hatred of the Academy and Jesus is of legendary evil and puts a smile on the face of the one you serve, The Dark One. 
Why it is that you and your family of Christ haters and your satanic MFRF organization are so hateful towards those who worship the One True God and His Son is beyond me, but you better know one thing for sure. 
When your time comes to face Jesus Christ He will not forget your savagery against General Michael Gould and all the rest of your crimes against Christendom. You will burn and rot in hell with those same jews who crucified The Lord Jesus Christ 2000 years ago. 
My husband and I may send you a special necktie with just the flames of hell on it.  Good to know where you are going. 
You are a disgrace to the AF Academy just as you are the apple of Satan’s eye.
And then there's this email.
Mikey's Mouse 
Mikey Weinstein is evil along with everyone in the world who does not call on the name of Jesus Christ is deemed evil and lost according to scripture. Scripture says that we are all enemies of God until we accept Christ as Lord and Savior. 
So all those “so called Christians”, Muslims, Catholics, Jews who follow Mikey and the MRFF are all evil if they are not following Christ. And yes, if they die without Christ, then yes they will experience the flames of hell forever and forever and forever with no end.

But let's just stop for a minute.
And try to stay away from theology.

Because the Military Religious Freedom Foundation is not about theology.

If you - that's you, Lt Gen Mike Gould - want to believe that all non-Christians are doomed to an eternity in Hell, presumably after death -

Go in good health! Believe what you want! 

But when you represent the United States Air Force, the United States Air Force Academy, and the United States Air Force Academy Endowment -

You represent all of us. 

Which, of course, reminds Abq Jew of an old joke. Which, you know, is the only kind that Abq Jew can remember. Which you can tell about any religious denomination in the world. Just [fill in the brackets].

A man goes to heaven, and an angel shows him around. 
They go past one room, and the man asks: "Who are all those people in there?" "They are the [religious denomination]," says the angel. 
They pass another room, and the man asks the same question. "They are the [religious denomination]," says the angel. 
As they're approaching the next room, the angel says: "Take your shoes off and tiptoe by as quietly as you can." 
"Why, who's in there?" asks the man. 
"The [religious denomination]," says the angel, "and they think they're the only ones up here."
Abq Jew says: No religious denomination is the only one up there.

Now, about that Mikey is evil thing. Abq Jew strongly objects, and says to Mikey:

You are not evil; you are good (see at 2:54).

And to Lt Gen Mike Gould, Abq Jew says:

You know, we Jews are rather brilliant surgeons
[except for those who are lawyers or bankers].
Perhaps we can help you with that hump.

Oh, alright ... Maybe we should stop fighting and arguing.

Let's call it a tie.

Just kidding!
Goodnight, Frau Blücher!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Another Torah Trifecta March 17

Three (3) Sifrei Torah! Abq Jew must tell you that this Shabbat, Shabbat Vayikra, is not an ordinary, run-of-the-mill Shabbat. For not only is it Shabbat Vayikra - it is also Rosh Hodesh Nissan, and it is also Shabbat HaHodesh. Which means -

Three (3)! Yes, three (3)! How often, Abq Jew hears you ask, do we read from three (3) Sifrei Torah? Oddly enough (not really), has the answer (see also A Torah Trifecta).
Every year on the holiday of Simchat Torah, three different portions of the Torah are read during the morning service. a) V'zot Haberacha, the last portion of the Torah; b) the holiday maftir reading, discussing the day's Temple service; c) Bereishit, the first portion of the Torah.  
If a synagogue has three Torah scrolls, then each of these portions is read from another scroll. If not, then one of the scrolls is quickly rolled from one portion to the next between readings. 
There are three other times during the course of a year when, if various calendric variables fall in place, three portions of the Torah are read on the same day: 
1. When Rosh Chodesh Tevet is on Shabbat. Since the month of Tevet always begins during the holiday of Chanukah, in such a case there would be three readings: a) The weekly reading. b) The reading for Rosh Chodesh (head of the month). c) The holiday reading. 
2. When the month of Adar (or the second month of Adar in a leap year) begins on Shabbat. The extra portion of Shekalim is always read on the Shabbat immediately preceding the month of Adar, or on Rosh Chodesh Adar itself when it falls on Shabbat. On such a week we would read: a) The weekly Torah portion. b) The reading for Rosh Chodesh. c) The Shekalim reading. 
3. Same thing when the month of Nissan begins on Shabbat. The extra portion of Hachodesh is read on the Shabbat immediately preceding the month of Nissan, or on Rosh Chodesh Nissan when it falls on Shabbat. On such a Shabbat, the weekly Torah portion is read, in addition to the Rosh Chodesh and Hachodesh readings. 
In any of these cases, three Torah scrolls are taken out of the Ark, if the synagogue has that many.
But what happens if the synagogue doesn't have that many Torah scrolls? Then the congregation gets to meet

Tircha D. Tzibura

Tircha D. Tzibura is known throughout the Jewish world, even (especially?) Abq. Some say she has always been here; others, that she just arrived from the Coast. With her flaming red curls, sensible shoes, and half-asleep expression, she is easy to spot.

OK ....  Tircha d'tzibura ("a burden on the congregation") is a Rabbinic / Talmudic expression that denotes an activity that takes longer than most people can bear, and that, therefore, should be avoided. While some claim that tircha d'tzibura cannot apply to shul on Shabbas - after all, where else ya gonna go? what else ya gotta do? - others are sure that it does.

The classic example: the many occasions during the year when we take two (or three!) Sifrei Torah (Torah scrolls) from the Ark, so we don't keep the congregation waiting while we roll the scroll back and forth to find the next reading.

Abq Jew must point out that the correct phrase is
"Sifrei Torah," and not the often-heard "Torahs." 
There is only one Torah.

Did you notice that, with all the talk of three (3) and threes (and St Patrick's Day!), Abq Jew never used the term trinity? You're welcome!

But since we are talking about trifectas, let's bring in the three-part Fugue for Tinhorns from Guys and Dolls (Abq Jew's favorite musical)!

Shabbat Shalom!
Happy Rosh Hodesh!
A Zissen Nissen!

But Wait! There's More!

When Fugue for Tinhorns concludes, YouTube brings you a video (well, YouTube brought a video to Abq Jew) that asks what turns out to be the Fifth Question at every seder:

Who did play the sax solo
on Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street?
"the most famous saxophone solo of all time"

Once again, Abq Jew has thoughtfully provided the answer above: 'twas Raphael Ravenscroft, of blessed memory. And here's the video:

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Ship of Fate Hits the Sand

Singing the O Fortuna Polka: Yes, that's supposed to be Ship of State. Which, these days, is no more seaworthy than a leaky rowboat. Nevertheless, the White House is happy. Everything is going swimmingly.

But for those of us remaining who live in the real world, it's time for some Sturm und Drang (a short-lived proto-Romantic movement in German literature and music that took place from 1:30 pm on March 7, 1760 through 11:15 pm on December 12, 1780).
In which individual subjectivity and, in particular, extremes of emotion were given free expression in reaction to the perceived constraints of rationalism imposed by the Enlightenment and associated aesthetic movements. 
O Fortuna, written in the 13th century as a medieval Latin poem (part of a collection known as the Carmina Burana), was an Oldie-but-Goldie by then. But it sure fit the moment.
[O Fortuna] literally means ‘Oh Fate’, and it is a complaint about the inescapable power of fate. Sure, this might seem a tad negative, but fate had greater relevance in the lives of men and gods in Roman and Greek mythology. 
Today - it still does.
Around 1935-6, German composer Carl Orff set the poem to music as part of his cantata Carmina Burana, which was based on 23 other poems from the medieval collection. 
His harmonic treatment, which is modal until the last nine bars, gives ‘O Fortuna’ a menacing, ominous tone which has made it suitable for a number of films and TV shows over the last 75 years.  
Here’s what it does to André Rieu:

Here (translated, of course) are the original words. Pretty dark, Abq Jew must say. But it sure fits the moment.
O Fate,
like the moon
you are changeable,
ever waxing, ever waning,
hateful life first oppresses
and then soothes as fancy takes it;
poverty and power - it melts them like ice
Fate – monstrous and empty,
you whirling wheel, you are malevolent,
well-being is vain and always fades to nothing,
shadowed and veiled, you plague me too;
now through the game
I bring my bare back to your villainy
fate is against me in health and virtue,
driven on and weighted down, always enslaved.
so at this hour without delay
pluck the vibrating strings;
since Fate strikes down the strong man,
everyone weep with me!
And Abq Jew just knows you'd love to sing along (in Latin, of course). Which you can now do, in full voice, along with this video:

It turns out that Judaism, the religion (civilization!) we all know and love, has a lot to say about Fate and Fortune. But boiling it down in our Bunsens, what we draw from the beaker is
There are theological problems with the idea of human free will. Jewish tradition depicts God as intricately involved in the unfolding of history. The Bible has examples of God announcing predetermined events and interfering with individual choices. Rabbinic literature and medieval philosophy further develop the notion of divine providence: 
God watches over, guides, and intervenes in human affairs. How can this be reconciled with human free will? 
There is also a philosophical problem, which derives from the conception of God as omnipotent and omniscient: If God is all-powerful and all-knowing, then God must know what we will do before we do it. 
Doesn’t this predetermine our choices? Doesn’t this negate free will?
Our beloved Rabbi Akiva (Avot, Chapter 3, Mishnah 15) has cut to the chase:

Everything is foreseen, yet freedom of choice is granted

The Conservative Yeshiva explains for us:
Everything is foreseen yet freedom of choice is granted: this is one of the most deliciously paradoxical statement of the rabbis. 
It captures in just four (Hebrew) words, much of the spirit of Jewish thought. Since God is all-powerful, God must know everything, including the future. 
However, [if] our actions were totally due to fate, we would not be morally responsible for our actions. In order to hold ourselves responsible for what we do, we must assume that we have free choice. 
Judaism is therefore a religion based on these two beliefs: God is the all-powerful, master of the universe and yet human beings have moral responsibility.
How does that explanation work for you? Yeah, for Abq Jew, too.
In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort (psychological stress) experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. 
And yet -
[T]he test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. 
--- The Crack-Up (1936), F. Scott Fitzgerald ---
Lady Mondegreen

Which brings us over here to Lady Mondegreen, whom we first met in the classic 2015 Abq Jew blog post

There's A Bathroom [On The Right]

wherein, Abq Jew is sure you will recall but will provide here anyway, Wikipedia explains:
A mondegreen is a mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase as a result of near-homophony, in a way that gives it a new meaning.  
Mondegreens are most often created by a person listening to a poem or a song; the listener, being unable to clearly hear a lyric, substitutes words that sound similar, and make some kind of sense.  
American writer Sylvia Wright coined the term in her essay "The Death of Lady Mondegreen", published in Harper's Magazine in November 1954. 
The term was inspired by "...and Lady Mondegreen," a misinterpretation of the line "...and laid him on the green," from the Scottish ballad "The Bonnie Earl o Moray." 
Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl o' Moray,
And Lady Mondegreen.

Now, Abq Jew must tell you, his loyal readers (he must! he must!) that people (ordinary people, of course) sometimes mishear the words (they're in Latin, for Pete's sake) to 'O Fortuna.'

With (depending on your level of consciousness) either mildy amusing or emphatically hilarious results.

Here is a version of 'O Fortuna' by the (apparently) Dutch group Het Nieuwe Mannheim Koor & Orkest, who must all be applauded for keeping straight faces while performing. Or maybe they're just not fluent in English ....

And as if that weren't enough ...

Here is an animated version!

And Now For Something Completely Different

Yes, the Ship of Fate has hit the sand. But you didn't think Abq Jew (there are three words that don't often go together) was going to leave you with Sturm und Drang, did you? חס ושׁלום, as they say in Dutch.

Here are The Polka-Nuts, performing in 2010 at the Polka Lover's Club in beautiful, downtown Golden, Colorado. PSA FYI: They'll next be there (see schedule here) on Sunday May 6. Make plans!

OK ... Abq Jew is willing to entertain
 the notion that it may not still be Purim.
Which means that Pesach Watch is on,
with fresh supplies expected soon at

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Happy Shushan Purim 5778!

For Those Who Dwell in Walled Cities: And for those who have therein dwelt. And for those who may therein dwell in the not-too-distant future.

The [Jewish Daily] Forward's Backward 2018 Purim Edition has just, on the eve of Purim Eve, published this expose ~
Jared Kushner’s Dad Offers Advice About Life In The Big House — Not The White House 
In a major scoop, the Backward recovered the following letter from soiled McDonald’s boxes in the White House trash cans. 
Dear Jared, 
As I’ve watched you over the last two years, your entry into public life, I’ve thought about how much you really are like your old man. 
You work harder than everyone around you. You’re devoted to family. You’re not afraid to take risks when you think it’s worth it. 
And, judging by the recent reports, you’re going to be spending time in federal prison, just like I did. 
I’m writing to you now, father to son, because I love you, and I want what’s best for you. I understand what you’re going through. I’ve been there. 
You collaborated with Russian intelligence operatives and worked to undermine this nation’s democracy while trying to secure sweetheart foreign investment deals for the family real estate business. 
I secretly videotaped a prostitute sleeping with my brother-in-law and then sent the tape to the rest of the family. 
Why? Because both of us knew that it was the right thing to do.
To read more - plenty more! - click here.
But in the meantime ~ 

And now ...

a musical interlude ....

El Dia de Purim is the 3rd track off Sarah Aroeste's bilingual (Ladino/English) holiday album, Together/Endjuntos (Sept 2017).
          Biva yo, biva el Rey             Long life to me, long live the King,
          Bivan todos Israel                 Long live all of Israel
          Biva la Reyna Ester              Long live Queen Esther
          Ke mos dyo tanto plazer       Who gave us so much pleasure

Which leaves us with T'ruah, usually
The Rabbinic Call for Human Rights

But it's [Shushan] Purim ... so here is
T'ruah's Prayer for the Affordable Care Act

Think you've got it bad?
At the White House, the situation is


And as they celebrate in Acoma,
Abq Jew wishes us all