Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Red or Blue?

New Mexico Stays Blue:  The answer to the unofficial NM State Question was never in doubt. Florida's votes have just been counted, and the Sunshine State has gone Blue. Abq Jew certainly feels that a little bit of gloating is in order.

Others, however, do not. This just in from MSNBC:
Back to the Civil War?
Obama’s opponents seek to secede
Now that President Obama has been re-elected, some of his fiercest critics don’t want to be part of the United States. And they’re not talking about moving to Canada: they want to pull the nation apart from within.

Citizens from 20 states have filed petitions on the White House “We The People” website seeking to secede from the union and form new state governments, The Washington Post reports.
Texas is (of course) first on the list of twenty. The Washington Post reports that
There are also petitions from Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, and Tennessee.
On one hand, Abq Jew thinks - maybe we should just let Texas go. On the other hand - maybe we should really go with this Red States vs Blue States thing.

Please note that Abq Jew has never, ever called Red State voters stupid. Reasonable people may disagree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

Yet everyone is not entitled to their own facts.  For some crazy reason, Abq Jew is reminded of the famous "Don't Call Me Stupid" scene in A Fish Called Wanda:


Secede? Start a new country? Abq Jew has received (and cleaned up) the following email, addressed to Red States, which which may (or may not) be worthy of discussion.
Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we've decided we're leaving. We in New Mexico intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Colorado, Nevada, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, New York, New Jersey, and the rest of the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of the Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:
  • You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
  • We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
  • We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
  • We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
  • We get Harvard (Princeton, UPenn, NYU, Colgate, BU),. You get Ole' Miss.
  • We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
  • We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the Red States pay their fair share.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of:
  • 80% of the country's fresh water
  • more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce
  • 92% of the nation's fresh fruit
  • 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 
  • 90% of all cheese
  • 90 percent of the high tech industry
  • most of the US low sulfur coal
  • all living redwoods, sequoias, and condors
  • all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Stanford, Cal, Cal Tech, UCLA, the Jewish Theological Seminary, Yeshiva U, and MIT
With the Red States, you will have to cope with:
  • 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs
  • 92% of all US mosquitoes
  • nearly 100% of the tornadoes
  • 90% of the hurricanes
  • Rush Limbaugh and virtually 100% of all televangelists
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

You get the states where:
  • 38% believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale.
  • 62% believe life is sacred (unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws).
  • 44% say that evolution is only a theory.
  • 53% claim that Saddam was involved in 9/11.
  • 61% believe they are people with higher morals than us.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that junk they grow in Mexico.


Citizens of the Enlightened
                         (Blue) States of America  

Please recall that Abq Jew has never, ever called Red State voters stupid. But let's let Wanda correct Otto on a couple things.


OK ... Abq Jew realizes he has gone more than a bit too far. Alright, alright. Abq Jew apologizes. He is really, really sorry, and he apologizes unreservedly.


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