Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The Best Part About Rosh Hashanah

Is The Preparation: Which, according to timeless Jewish tradition, begins with the recitation of Selichot prayers, as Wikipedia explains:

Selichot or slichot (Hebrew: סליחות‎; singular סליחה, selichah) are Jewish penitential poems and prayers, especially those said in the period leading up to the High Holidays, and on Fast Days. 
The Thirteen Attributes of Mercy are a central theme throughout these prayers.
But (of course!) there are (at least!) two timeless Jewish traditions.
In the Sephardic tradition, recital of Selichot in preparation for the High Holidays begins on the second day of the Hebrew month of Elul. 
In the Ashkenazic tradition, it begins on the Saturday night before Rosh Hashanah. 
If, however, the first day of Rosh Hashanah falls on Monday [as it does this New Year 5780] or Tuesday, Selichot are said beginning the Saturday night prior [September 21] to ensure that Selichot are recited at least four times. 
Check your local listings!

Here in the Land of Enchantment, we New MexiJews started our RH 5780 preparations by "welcoming" President 45 to the City of Vision (that's Rio Rancho, by the way). As KOB News reported:

Some people forced to watch Trump rally outside

KOB News also reported this week that

Prehistoric crocodile fossil discovered in New Mexico

although, for some reason that Abq Jew cannot fully understand, KOB ran a (slightly) different picture (not the one above) with the article.

The New Year is, by all traditions, a time for personal growth and change.

For recognizing what has been sub-optimal,
and optimizing it. Sounds good.
For recognizing what has been wrong,
and fixing it. That, too.

And it's certainly a good time to find one's self!

But back to the Rosh Hashanah preparation business. Abq Jew likes to think of RH preparation as sort of like ... preparing for a colonoscopy.

You have the ... opportunity ...  to clear out all the ... waste material ... so you (or, more likely, your doctor) can get a good look at your ... kishkes. The pure and clean essence that makes you you.

By the way - the BBC says a second man has been arrested in the now infamous and legendary Blenheim Palace gold toilet theft.

But perhaps you're already way past RH preparation. Perhaps you're already past RH. And even past YK. Perhaps - you're already thinking about the post-YK Break Fast.

Planning on traditional New Mexican fleishig fare? Some do ... but chances are pretty good that your shul / host / hostess (is that still a proper term?) doesn't. And if you're sticking to milchigs, you're probably going to be worrying -

  What if we run out of bagels?
Well, Abq Jew is here to tell you -

Elizabeth Warren and Abq Jew
and Philadelphia Cream Cheese

have a plan for that.

The Philadelphia 'Bagel That' Device

Real bagel fans know that toast can be a bagel. So can waffles, pancakes, tortillas, hot dog buns, and pizza, thanks to the revolutionary new

Bagel That

Amazon says they're currently unavailable, and they don't know when or if it will be back in stock. But if you had one, here's a video that explains how you could use it.
  • New “Bagel That” device allows you to punch a hole in almost anything, instantly turning it into a bagel to top with Philadelphia Cream Cheese
  • To use the Philadelphia “Bagel That” device, simply put your toast, waffle, pancake, or other bread item into the center of the device
  • Next, press the lever down to punch a hole to instantly create a bagel. Because if it looks like a bagel, you can put Philadelphia Cream Cheese on it
  • Have toast? Bagel That. A waffle? Bagel That. Even a tortilla? 
Bagel That, too!

As we all prepare -

And remember -

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