Bob Newhart Dies at 94

Your Father's Accountant: No, Bob Newhart, now of blessed memory, was not your father's accountant, nor was he Abq Jew's father's accountant. But he could have been, even though he was not a MOT.

He was not an accountant - because, he explained, when working as such after his US Army service in the Korean War, his motto, 

"That's close enough" 

and his habit of adjusting petty cash imbalances with his own money showed that he lacked the proper temperament.

Nor did he become a lawyer - because, he explained, he had been asked to "behave unethically" during a college internship.

Anyway - Bob Newhart eventually became a comedian, known for his deadpan and stammering delivery style. And, of course, for his routines involved hearing half of a conversation as he spoke to someone on the phone.

Here, to preserve his memory. are three (3) of Bob Newhart's best, as previously reported in this very Abq Jew Blog.

1. USS Codfish (March 2019's Wherever You Go)

The monologue sorta begins: 

Men, I know you are all anxious to be reunited with your loved ones... in some cases your wives... but we have a few moments before we surface and I've just jotted down some things that I think are kind of important, I wouldn't take the time if I didn't. 

First of all, I think we ought to give the cooks a standing ovation for the wonderful job they've done. So, if you men want to stand now and let's really hear it for the cooks. 

I don't think you men realize the difficult problem it is aboard a submarine to... uh... you men want to stand now for the cooks ? 

Come on now men, let's let by-gones be by-gones and let's hear it for the cooks, huh?  

Look men, I'm not going to surface until I hear it for the cooks!!!  

Alright, that is a little better ...

You can watch the entire monologue right here. You're welcome!

2. Moo Goo Gai Pan (November 2011's Moo Goo Gai Pan)

The episode starts when Bob balks at going to spend the holiday with Emily's family at a reunion.  He'd rather stay home, he insists.

But Bob's loneliness gets the better of him, and he spends Turkey Day with Howard, Jerry, and even Mr. Carlin - drinking, watching football, drinking, avoiding playing games, and drinking.  Their drunkenness culminates with a now classic scene in which Bob stammers his way though placing a phone order for Chinese food.

If you're so old that you can't remember, or if you came of age after The Bob Newhart Show, this interview with Bob about Moo Goo Gai Pan sets up the scene (and gives some of it away).

So, here is the scene that even TV critics say may be the best American sitcom scene ever.  

3. Bob Hartley's Dream (January 2021's The End of a Very Bad Dream)

It has recently come to Abq Jew's attention that some people - even people of a certain age - have no remembrance of this dream at all. You need a background in sit-com history to fully appreciate this. So here goes.

The Bob Newhart Show

The Bob Newhart Show is an American sitcom television series that aired on CBS from September 16, 1972, to April 1, 1978.

The show centers on Robert "Bob" Hartley, Ph.D. (Newhart), a Chicago psychologist. Most activity occurs between his work and home life, with his supportive, although occasionally sarcastic, wife Emily (Suzanne Pleshette), and their friendly but pesty neighbor, airline navigator Howard Borden (Bill Daily). 

The medical building where Bob's psychology practice is located also houses Jerry Robinson, D.D.S. (Peter Bonerz), an orthodontist whose office is on the same floor, and their receptionist, Carol Kester (Marcia Wallace), as well as a number of other somewhat eccentric doctors who appear occasionally.

Newhart

Newhart is an American sitcom television series that aired on CBS from October 25, 1982, to May 21, 1990. 

The series stars Bob Newhart and Mary Frann as an author and his wife, respectively, who own and operate an inn in a small, rural Vermont town that is home to many eccentric characters. 

TV Guide, TV Land, and A&E named the Newhart series finale as one of the most memorable in television history.

Newhart Series Finale

The series finale of Newhart, titled "The Last Newhart", has been described as one of the most memorable in television history.

The entire town is purchased by a visiting Japanese tycoon, who turns the hamlet into an enormous golf course and recreation resort. Dick and Joanna are the only townspeople who refuse to leave. The others accept million-dollar payoffs and leave in a farewell scene that parodies Fiddler on the Roof.

Five years later, Dick and Joanna continue to run the Stratford Inn, which is now located in the middle of the golf course. The other townspeople, now richer and older, unexpectedly return for a reunion. 

The Darryl brothers also speak for the first time on screen, loudly yelling "Quiet!" at their wives in unison. Dick gets frustrated with the increasingly chaotic scene, and storms out shouting "You're all crazy!", only to be knocked out by an errantly struck golf ball.

The Last Scene

The setting of the last scene is nighttime, in the bedroom of Dr. Bob Hartley (The Bob Newhart Show; see above) and his wife Emily (Suzanne Pleshette). 

Bob awakens, upset, and he wakes Emily to tell her about the very strange dream he has just had: that he was an innkeeper in a small Vermont town filled with eccentric characters and married to a beautiful blonde. 

Emily (slightly upset about hearing Bob's dream dalliance with "a beautiful blonde") tells him "that settles it—no more Japanese food before bed."

Here is the long (10:32) version of that Finale.

But if you just want The Last Scene, here is the short (2:39) version.

So what have learned today?

Our House

Is A Very, Very Very Fine House: Surely you, Abq Jew's loyal readers, will remember November 2023, when (see At the End of the Rainbow) Mr & Mrs Abq Jew were "thrilled, thrilled" to announce the marriage of their wonderful daughter Alex to the equally wonderful Jake.

Well, here is another significant milestone for Mr & Mrs Abq Jew to announce: The aforementioned Alex and Jake (with their cats Simantov and Mazeltov) have, Ken O'Hara, taken possession of (that is, purchased and moved into) their new home.

To celebrate this happy event, here is a song that Abq Jew wishes he could claim that he wrote just for them. But he didn't. Graham Nash, as it turns out, did. And he wrote it for Joni Mitchell, after they returned from food shopping one day at the farmer's market. Crosby Stills Nash & Young first recorded it for their 1970 album Deja Vu.

I'll light the fire

You place the flowers in the vase

That you bought today

Staring at the fire

For hours and hours while I listen to you

Play your love songs all night long for me

Only for me

Come to me now

And rest your head for just five minutes

Everything is done

Such a cozy room

The windows are illuminated

By the evening sunshine through them

Fiery gems for you, only for you

Our house is a very, very, very fine house

With two cats in the yard

Life used to be so hard

Now everything is easy 'cause of you

I'll light the fire

While you place the flowers in the vase

That you bought today

It should be noted (and therefore Abq Jew will so note) that "Our House" was not Graham Nash's house. It was, per JoniMitchell.com, Joni Mitchell's house.

Joni bought the little house at 8217 Lookout Mountain in the Spring of 1968 with the royalties from her first album, SONG TO A SEAGULL. She met Graham Nash, who was visiting from the UK with his band, The Hollies, shortly after she purchased it, and by July they were living there together. 

Joni's house soon became THE place where Laurel Canyon-dwelling musicians hung out (when David Crosby and Stephen Stills dropped by one night, Crosby, Stills and Nash was born.)

As you will of course recall (see December 2021's Joseph Dreams ... Of Real Estate if you do not), Abq Jew, a true son of California, is fascinated by the Golden State's real estate market.

So Abq Jew looked up the 8217 Lookout Mountain address on Zillow.com. And learned that this 1,830 square foot single family home, built in 1910, currently has 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. 

This property is not currently for sale or for rent on Zillow. However - today's Zestimate for this off-market house is

$1,743,600

The house's value has likely appreciated somewhat since it was built, and perhaps even since Joni Mitchell bought it.

We have wandered off the edge of the map. What do we care about house prices in California? Abq Jew forgot to mention - the new home is in

Rhode Island. The Ocean State.

That's important, for two reasons. First of all - that's where a lot of Jake's family is, and that's where Jake & Alex have been dreaming of and planning for. The cats, maybe not so much. Simantov & Mazeltov!

And then - this marks a sharp turning point in our family history.

After a century, Mr & Mrs Abq Jew no longer have close family who live in New York City or in New York State.

This may not have the world-wide repercussions of the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn - but it's still a very new feeling. 

So Abq Jew marked the occasion with a new tee shirt.

Your Ten Commandments

Where We Left Off: But all of a sudden (see June's Religious Freedom? Meh.), everyone's talking about The Ten Commandments. No, not the 1956 Cecile B DeMille movie starring Moses as Charlton Heston. But rather HB71, the very new law in the State of Louisiana. The Pelican State.

So. Abq Jew must ask (he must! he must!)

Well, there's plenty wrong with this picture. More than you can shake a red stick at (looking at you, Baton Rouge!).

First of all - what this picture shows are not The Ten Commandments. What they are are first-two-word mnemonic devices that help us remember the complete text of The Ten Commandments. You know - reminders.

Second - The Ten Commandments present an incomplete picture of the mitzvot (requirements) that The Holy One, Blessed Be He, has placed upon his people Israel (and not on anybody else).

There are, in fact 613 (תריג) of these mitzvot: 248 positive (DO) mitzvot, corresponding to the number of parts in the human body; and 365 negative (DON'T) mitzvot, corresponding to the number of days in a calendar year.

It will come as no surprise to you, Abq Jew's loyal readers, that there is no agreement about just what these 613 mitzvot are. However, we (as usual) defer to the opinion of Maimonides, who enumerated them in his magnum opus, the Mishneh Torah.

For example:

 1. To know there is a G‑d—Exodus 20:2

81. To put a Mezuzah on each door post—Deuteronomy 6:9

250. To give charity—Deuteronomy 15:11

You know - the mitzvot we Jews all know and love. 

 It should be noted that 

To place the entire federal bureaucracy, including independent agencies such as the Department of Justice, under direct presidential control.

is one small part of the far-right's Project 2025, about which much hullabaloo has been and needs to continue to be made. It is not one of the 613.

It should also be noted that

444. Carry out the procedure of the Red Heifer—Numbers 19:9

about which we Jews will have the honor of reading (see June 2014's OMG THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO Statutes and Ordinances) this coming Shabbat, is most definitely one of the 613. 

A third thing wrong with our image of The Ten Commandments above is that it's written in Ktav Ashurit, aka Modern Hebrew lettering. We'll get to that.

But at least it's in Hebrew, the language in which The Ten Commandments were first published. Louisiana's HB71, on the other hand, provdes the exact words that must be posted in every classroom. 

NOTE: They're in English. They are, and Abq Jew quotes:

The Ten Commandments

I AM the LORD thy God.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Thou shalt not make to thyself any graven images.

Thou shalt not take the Name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Thou shalt not kill.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Thou shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his cattle, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.

Abq Jew hereby reminds us all that all translation is interpretation. This translation, moreover, does not appear to correspond to any known Jewish (ie, JPS) or Christian (ie, KJV) version of The Ten Commandments. 

Where did it come from?, lawsuits ask.

It almost goes without mentioning that The Ten Commandments proclaimed in the Book of Exodus is different from The Ten Commandments recorded in the Book of Deuteronomy. Hence

the verse in the Kabbalat Shabbat hymn Lekha Dodi. But then -

And let's talk about Hebrew script. Chabad asks What Is the Authentic Ancient Hebrew Alphabet? and provides a long, detailed answer to this question. 

But Abq Jew is gonna stick with the Aish Rabbi Dovid Rosenfeld, who provides a simpler account of 

Ancient versus Modern Hebrew Script

It’s known that the ancient Israelites wrote in a totally different script of Hebrew than the one used today. Wouldn’t the earlier one have been the original script of Hebrew – the one the Torah was given in? If so, how could it have been changed later? 

On the one hand, we are so concerned that a Torah scroll be written perfectly, with perfectly-formed letters. But on the other, the letters would seem to have no sanctity! 

They are just an adopted script from later on in our history!

The Aish Rabbi Replies

It’s a very important issue. You are quite right that ancient Hebrew was written in a completely different script from modern. 

 

This ancient script is known as Ktav Ivri or the Paleo-Hebrew alphabet. It resembles the Phoenician alphabet of the time. 

The modern one is known as Ktav Ashurit – literally, the Assyrian script. It closely resembles the ancient Aramaic alphabet and became adopted by the Jews shortly after they were exiled to Babylonia after the destruction of the First Temple. 

The two alphabets have identical letters and bear some resemblance, but are quite distinct.

All of the older archeological finds of written Hebrew were in this ancient script, while from around the 5th century BCE, with the return of many Jews from Persia, the newer script became common. 

Even at that point Ktav Ivri still continued to be used. Coins have been discovered from as late as the Bar Kokhba rebellion (132-36 CE) with Ktav Ivri inscriptions.

All of this begs the question you raised. Does this mean the script of the Torah itself changed? If the “proper” and original script of Hebrew is Ktav Ivri, how could later generations begin using a different script, changing the form of the Torah itself?

The Talmud (Sanhedrin 21b-22a) addresses this issue and explains that it was done through Divine sanction. 

In Deut. 17: 18, the Torah instructs that a Jewish king must write for himself a “copy of the Torah” (mishnei hatorah) which can equally be translated “a changed Torah.” From this the Sages saw an allusion to the fact that the text of the Torah scroll would eventually change.

Likewise, the Book of Ezra (4:7) refers to a letter the Jews of Israel wrote to the Persian king Artachshasta (Artaxerxes) in a “changed script” – written in Aramaic with Aramaic characters. From this the Sages likewise deduce that the script of the Jews had officially changed (to the Assyrian script, nearly identical to the Aramaic).

In fact, as the Talmud points out, this is perhaps the reason why shortly beforehand, when the famous “writing on the wall” appeared in Belshazzar’s palace on the fateful night of his death (Daniel 5), no one was able to interpret it, although no doubt many Jews were present. 

The message was written in Assyrian Hebrew, which not even the Jews could make out – until Daniel interpreted it with Divine inspiration. 

This was the point in time in which God officially sanctioned that Hebrew would now be written in a different script.

All of which raises the question -  

 

Is this photo accurate? 

Our Wise Men, Of Blessed Memory - well, they just were not sure. 

But there is one opinion in the Talmud that the Hebrew script never changed – meaning, that although Ktav Ivri was in common use among the people, Ktav Ashurit was always used for sacred purposes.

Some Rabbis claim that all opinions agree that the Ten Commandments and possibly the original Torah of Moses were written in the Assyrian script.

And the Aish Rabbi concludes:

I should add finally that in truth the whole issue is not really problematic since by the letter of the law, a Torah may be written in Greek (and according to one opinion in any language) (Talmud Megillah 8b). 

Thus, the change from one script of Hebrew to another was not technically forbidden – although clearly Ezra would not have taken it upon himself to institute so drastic a change without the Torah’s approval (Rashba and Ritva to Megillah 2b).

The State of Oklahoma is about to get involved.
The Sooner State.